I’ve mentioned that my birthday is approaching…the big 3-0…We don’t plan on doing much but we will be going out to dinner on two separate occasions, once with some family and another evening with some friends. I have decided that given I’ve spent quite literally, umm, maybe $50 total in the last three years on clothes, all of which are likely comfy clothes, I would buy myself a new shirt or two for the events. As well, I had the intentions of wearing them to a few other up coming events with work. I need clothes.
I don’t know where I got the number but I figured I would allow myself $100 to buy whatever I wanted (and could). Stipulation being they had to be real, grown-up (I am almost 30 now…), with no stretch, t-shirt quality or could pass as gym attire-real effin clothes. It’s not that I don’t enjoy clothing it’s just that I’m lazy, hate shopping and hate spending money on myself even more. This wasn’t always the case though, there was a time in my life (many years and about 15lbs ago) when I would dabble in fashion and give a crap what I looked like. I headed to the various websites of the stores I used to frequent and started my search. I found a few shirts I liked on one site, all of which would do just fine. I added them to my online bag and went to checkout but a strange thing happened, I couldn’t do it!
Immediately, I started talking myself out of it. I didn’t need them. I was wasting money. I’m being so selfish…
As I sat there staring at the online cart, unable to push the ”pay now” button, I closed the browser and walked away.
Then it hit me. I am allowing my debt to bully me!
That asshole! Bossing me around telling me I can’t and shouldn’t do it! But guess what?! I’m going to! Not because I ”deserve it” or because I need them (which is a fact) but because I want to, I can, and because I have allowed it for myself.
I’m a responsible debt payer. My husband and I are working our buns off to pay this monster down and will be rid of it (mostly) within 36 (almost 35) months. We are in a position where I have made my extra debt payments like a good girl and I will allow myself to look presentable for my birthday. If I was slacking on the debt payments sure, likely not a great allocation of funds, but we hustled and we made it.
I didn’t go back and buy the items yet but I plan to. I’m going to go in the store instead since I don’t have time to wait for shipping arrival. These shirts better be as cute as I hoped, I have a point to prove
Have you ever let your debt bully you out of a purchase?
If you’re unsure if you’ve ever fallen victim to debt bullying look for these signs:
- Unnesessary mental back-talk
- Cold sweats over the smallest of purchases
- Talking yourself out of buying necessities (anything from bread to diapers)
- Hoarding cash
- Walking around like you permanatly live in a scene from ”Survivor” because you’re scared of buying real clothes
- Ignoring all social engagments because you don’t want to spend the money, even though you budgeted for it
- Not buying the items you want, and need in online shopping carts out of shame